Chronicles of Crush

Thank God for puke green

2005-10-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

Dublin is highly competitive for my favorite city on this whole trip. I've come to discover that New Zealand is like a surfer version of Ireland. The dreads, the sweet fashion, the buzz words, accent, pubs and excessive friendliness (especially refreshing after Paris :) are filling me with deja vu. I LOVE IT HERE!!
Yesterday I went with some hostel mates from California to delve into the life of a Viking at this amazing museum and scope out Christchurch cathedral then enjoy a plate piled high of authentic Irish pub food. This was after the first night in Dublin hosted by more Guinness than I ever wanted in my life, much less one night (ha-just kidding mom and dad, just two pints :) and some HEARTY Irish music by a highly respected local banjo player and fiddle and guitar -nevermind that it was mostly American tourists-it was still authentic!
Last night I had to walk like halfway across town alone, but have no fear!! All you really need to be safe on a night in Dublin with streets full of finely dressed club-hoppers is a big, fat I'M A TOURIST PUKE GREEN poncho baby yeah!! I'm pretty sure I had a protective bubble about 10 ft around as I made my way home. But God be with all the scantically clad girls...ah sometimes I'm ashamed of the intelligence level of my own species.
So now I'm heading out to the Gaelic-speaking countryside...yeah!!! I love this, what better place to piece the last couple years of your life together and see what it's all working towards and ponder how you have changed than on a train through the green alternating mist and blue skies Irish countryside. I cannot explain why this life has my name on it...let's just say God's for real about wanting us to dream big and then fulfilling those dreams.
Hmmm, I love that I'm listening to Michael Jackson right now in this internet cafe. Just in case anyone cares, I'm guessing escaping American pop culture is an art even the most experienced travellers have yet to master!

Don't ask for Directions

2005-10-02T03:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm finally learning the valuable lesson of not believing all the directions you get. Riding the tram all over Caen, France at 9:00 at night already 2 hours late from the end of check in time at the hostel was probably the straw that broke the camel's back for this lesson. Directed to the exact opposite end of town, then returning I laughed as I just did all I knew to do full of disbelief that I would ever find this supposed hostel. I seriously pondered just throwing down the bag behind some well concealed bushes in a really nice part of town, but decided to go on the navigation adventure just for the heck of it. Studying the map and my phoenetically spelled French directions, I found the tram stop and just walked along the road at night in norther france wondering if anyone was praying for me as I followed the foreign streets. I rounded the corner and don't think I've ever found the International Hosteling trademark sign more beautiful. I walked up to the locked door at the same time as someone with a key by chance, and they grudgingly checked me in as it was way passed the correct time. Sometimes I just find this all so funny. And I also found the name of the tram line I was on chuckle-worthy: 'Grace de Dieu' God has got to be the funniest travel partner ever.

Time for an English speaking country yo!

2005-10-02T03:17:00.000-07:00

AHH, I can't believe it! Heading to a country that speaks English for the first time since May 12. Ah, pure ecstasy. And what better place than the other end of the rainbow...going back to some of the Hillmann heritage...IRELAND!!

The mission: to look Italian

2005-10-02T02:51:00.000-07:00

The bare minimum requirements: big sunglasses, killer belt, Italian shoes, Gucci or Prada purse (can be purchased from African street vendors-no one can tell the diff) and optional additions include a sleek cell phone, MO-PED mafia membership card or a little finely groomed dog accompanying you while you shop :)
Ha, good times with my sista in Italy. A morning in Napoli, 3 nights in Roma and 1 night in Florence. Two of the nights in Rome were hosted by none other than 100% pure Roman Catholic nuns at a convent with a fabulous curfew of 22:00 sharp!! And then what could have been cooler than being picked up at the train station in Florence by a ghetto rigged golf cart with 4 passengers and a dreadhead driver and our two huge backpacks!! Not to mention the severely sinking bunk beds and one bathroom for like 15 people! ha, good times. It was cheap right? The sights were great minus the ferocious mosh pits outside the Vatican just to get in and see the basilica and then the 5 block long line to get into the Sistene Chapel...where I managed to sneak two pics of the Creation picture before getting talked to by the authoriities :) oops
On to pure luxury in Nice where we unintentionally booked ourselves into one of the top ten hostels in Europe. A 17 cereal variety breakfast with amazing bread, jam and juice, coffee, tea hot choc all included in the already inexpensive rate. It was here that we met a fabulous friend Simon from Australia with one brown eye and one blue eye with whom we got to discuss the ideas of the Himalayan guru he and his friends went to see a few months earlier :) We had to continue to watch our backs though as two hostel mates had their wallets stolen while in Nice...one by an old lady- young man diversion team. Horrible eh?!
And then the Eiffel tower bid Krissy farewell the night before her departure back to Colorado. It was lit up and sparkling with these new flashing lights-pretty sweet.
This eurail pass has become less and less of a luxury and more of a textbook for the craziest semester I have ever had. And successful navigation of the Paris metro felt like finding out I aced my english research paper junior year in high school. Krissy's departure inaugurated the last leg of this european epic adventure: soaring solo in northern europe. I feel like everything has been working towards this...so much preparation and training to be able to travel successfully-enjoyably and safely and according to what the man upstairs wants- alone. So here we go! All prayers are seriously appreciated, if not absolutely necessary...thank you!!!!

Ice ice baby

2005-09-18T12:08:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all, now in Italy with my sis after a sizzlin swiss excursion in the alps. We made an icy ascent to the base camp of matterhorn where I'm pretty sure God just hangs and keeps it real...georgeous SO BLESSED! I'll write more soon, I have three minutes left at this internet cafe! much LOVE!!!!

Humdilala!!

2005-07-16T05:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah, about that Arabic...definitely don't know more than yes, no, thank you and praise the Lord! (the above) But it's all good!
So this trip has been phenomenal to say the least. I am currently in the historical land of the Ammonites- Amman, Jordan. And my eyes actually gazed upon the dead sea scrolls only two hours ago AHHH crazy. As well as the temple of Hercules (wicked cool).
I realized that I have been in 7 countries in the last 5 months and 5 in the last 2 months. We successfully hopped from Hong Kong to Delhi, India to Oman to the United Arab Emirates to Bahrein to here! Some of the highlights include working at a ministry for heroine addicts in Hong Kong, seeing 11 drug addicts throw down their drugs and light them on fire after accepting Jesus as Lord of their lives in a park in Delhi, praying from the center of the Sultan's stadium in Muscat, Oman (the fact that it was empty is only a minor detail ;), a prayer trip through the whole of Oman- in over 120 degree weather!!!-, crying through my testimony in front of over 300 people at an All Nations Full Gospel Filipino church in Abu Dhabi as well as imploring people to make a decision about the cross in light of my friend Mark's recent death at the age of 20 from a climbing accident, helping lead worship and getting to pray with younger girls at a church in Bahrein, and now getting to help plan a sports camp for Bedoin children here in Jordan. And not to mention 3 am prayer calls right outside my window and getting brutal lessons in modesty from helpful Muslim women! Definitely an experience to remember!
There is much more, but I know if I was reading someone's website, my attention span would probably only last a few paragraphs so we'll go in stages eh? We were literally forbidden access to our websites in the last couple countries, so that is why it's been AGES. But I know whoever reads this is a true friend cuz I probably would have given up on a website updated as randomly and sporadically as this one! So you rock whoever is reading this ;) hehe
So two more weeks before the big reunion of all six world travelling teams. Then after two weeks of touring and lectures we will graduate! And Lord willing the world is my playground for the following nine months. I can't wait to see what life looks like on the other side of this paradigm-shattering experience.
I can't thank everyone who is praying for me and this team enough. You literally have no idea how much they have helped. God bless you all!!!

Gotta love that sweet taste of...

2005-05-29T03:45:00.000-07:00

INDIA!! AHH! Ok so I can't write much, but I am safe in India and cannot wait to update what is going on. We fly to Oman on Friday. Please keep praying for us! Right now we are at the House of Prayer in India and it is SO SWEET! We get to pray all the time and give food to people and pray for sick people and see drug addicts give up their drugs, burn them right there on the spot and accept JESUS CHRIST! With a REAL fire in their eyes! Ah, life is so good, who needs toilets that flush or showers. And the rickshaws are a rockin good time as well...ok more coming soon God bless!!

Coming to you live from Sydney, Australia!!

2005-05-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

AHH! HA! I am writing this from a FREE internet access in the Sydney Airport! Oh my goodness, this is insane. God is alive everywhere!! I just learned more about him through watching a man from some country I don't know watch his daughter run around and play with another little boy from a country she probably didn't know. He watched her so lovingly and proudly, guarded her from the roped off areas and held her on his shoulders to see the beautiful Sydney view! Wow wow wow. I just want to jump in the fun of what God is doing all around me...everywhere. YEAH BABY!!! I feel like a little kid going with their dad to walstreet to watch Him work his magic as he masterfully maneuvers in the mass and chaos around Him. Amazed doesn't begin to describe...

"We're taking over the world, cuz we're the alien youth." -Skillet

2005-05-11T03:20:00.000-07:00

AHHHHH!!! We leave in 4 hours and 45 minutes! I AM BURSTING WITH EXCITEMENT!!!! Songs of praise, explosive laughter, GOBS of love, beautiful accents... God is so beyond amazing. I feel like we are all forming this GIANT cobweb of love over the globe as all these peole that I love SO MUCH and am so united with-the same blood flowing in all our veins!-literally cover the map with 3 teams going through Asia, one in the Middle East, one in Africa and one in South America. And one explosive reunion in Jerusalem to look fwd to in 3 months! God's love is SERIOUSLY everywhere around here!! We just can't even help but blurt out prayers for everything. I feel like a whirlwind is breaking out all around us, in our midst, through us. God is unloading some serious amounts of His true character all over this place. I feel like the foundations of the Earth are being shaken. AHH THIS IS CRAZY!! We always talk about "reaching the nations" or going out in the world or making a difference or whatever the heck...and EVERY DAY we are doing just that if we accept the life to the full that we have through fellowship with Jesus (through His people). But this is some crazy unreal above and beyond anything I could ask or imagine tangible manifestation of going out into all the world! HOW BLESSED AM I?!!! PRAISE GOD!! Each prayer that goes towards this trip adds such immense sparks to the flame of what God is up to. It is seriously sweet. I love you ALL SO MUCH!! Anyone who reads this, even if I haven't met you face to face- I love you! And seriously special thanks to my family (I LOVE YOU GUYS!!), John D, Julee, Heidi...you guys are more than I could have ever asked for. Pray that God's love just explodes to a seriously hurting world through us. God bless you all. "I pray that out of his glorious riches you may grasp how wide and high and long and deep is hte love of Christ, to know this love that surpasses knowledge..." Wish me luck as I try and keep it real in the Kong! (Hong Kong here we come!) WHEWWW!!

"It's the end of the world as we know it."

2005-05-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

We will be officially leaving to journey around the world in 80 days in approximately 30 short hours! The plan is that next week at this time, we will be in 80 degree weather praying all night for Jackie Pullinger’s heroine addict ministry in downtown Hong Kong. AHHHH! A little different than sitting in front of this computer screen! But computer screens, little sheep-filled country towns and “life as we know it” are surprisingly irrelevant to God teaching us what He wants to teach us! Amidst all the packing and picture-taking, God is still working away. I feel very challenged to look only at God as there are a million other things spinning around my head right now--what to do after outreach? how are my friends and family? what are my passions? Do I pack for Europe? How to witness to a Muslim? What exactly constitutes a Christian? The best way to be bold and reach out to others? Who am I apart from my culture, family, friends, clothing style, past experiences, journals...skin and hair color? So I just choose to look at God and do what's in front of me. This is actually a really big op to become stronger in God and in my understanding of myself and the world and the gravity of the only 100% pure Truth and its implications in a world full of ideas based on 99.9% truth.
Tonight we all gathered together to send each other off, and I found it to be extremely devastating. The tears and snot start to flow, and the emotional floodgates are flung wide! But once again, THE point of it all is that we are sending each other out in Jesus' name. And that through fellowship with Him, we are all closer to one another than we are with some of the people that will be right in front of us. Same with me and all the people I already knew and loved before coming here. That whole kingdom of God thing really does kick butt!
And I love that right now I am sitting next to a pastor from Uganda named Timothy! How cool is life?!
So cool story--I could not decide if I should dye my hair dark for the middle east, so I decided to check out how feasible it would be when we were in Christchurch last week. I asked some girls for advice on a good salon, and they sent me to “accolades” and told me to ask for Nick. I walked my little blonde self down to the salon only to be greeted by none other than Nick himself! I made God a deal walking in that if it was less than 80 dollars to color my hair, I would do it. So Nick gave me the estimate of 95 dollars. Then a split second later offered me a twenty-dollar off coupon. He just so happened to have an opening that hour. So I am now back in black…or chocolate chestnut if you will! It’s definitely a new look, but it actually feels more me! And I definitely will not be standing out quite so much in the Middle East!
Ah, but the fun does not stop there. That night we went camping in the foothills above Oxford, and I found myself missing the one and only jenpody (my ipod) the next afternoon when we were back on base. Well it wasn’t until the next day after that that I got a chance to go back to the campsite and check things out. I looked all over the hill and laughed at myself thinking it would be next to impossible to find a little ipod on a big mountain hill by myself in any reasonable amount of time. Well I went to the last place I knew I had it, and did not find it. I then told God that it was completely up to Him now, if He wanted me to have it for this trip. I then walked twenty steps and randomly found it lying on the ground with the headphones all stretched out!!!! It was covered in rain droplets as it had been raining and cold all the night before. But what else but the jenpody was providing the dance music for the ghetto (our room with 14 girls) this marvellous Monday night! Crazy eh?
So who knows what the future of communication holds in store over the next three months. I hope to be able to check on what’s going on on the other side at least every couple weeks, but who knows! I want to post more, but the time for my preparation to depart from the ends of the earth is rapidly thinning. So for now I must go...parting is such sweet sorrow. "Shhh. Just go." (guess that quote! ;) So I at least wanted to make my departure date known and I would definitely appreciate lots of prayer! I also want to say THANK YOU to all the people that love and pray for me! Hopefully I will be able to write more later, but if not-don’t worry if you don’t hear from me for awhile, but trust God for me and know I’m trusting Him for you!
“I will go before you and level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, that summons you by name.” Isaiah 45:2-3
How brilliantly astounding to serve the one, true, LIVING God!!!!
“Take hold of the life that is truly life.” 1 Timothy 6:19

"Love God, and do what you want." --St. Augustine

2005-05-01T13:08:00.000-07:00

So many life realizations, so little time! What a wild world we live in. I feel like I am in some sick real life version of Ground Hog Day. I am on the same base with the same people doing basically the same activities EVERY day! It’s so beautifully ironic and profoundly simple. All the things that normally consume our attention have been removed so that a day is judged by the conversations you have, and whatever you learn from the lectures, in the Word and in times with God, and maybe by how well the mass-prepared meat happens to be cooked for dinner that night. J This entire time I have been feeling so incomplete, and I finally realized why today.
For so long I looked at coming to YWAM as my big jumping off point—where life would really begin. And since coming here I have felt as though I have been temporarily suspended in a time-capsule outside my life and existence. Simply removed into this other dimension from which I got to safely examine the world, Life, God, myself, REALITY, purpose…break it down to its raw components of nature, people, food, the Bible, learning and studying God. I have felt like somewhat of a specimen for a philosophical/psychological experiment.
Well, I have since realized that “my life” is what has been going on from 1985 until now. Every experience, every person, every pursuit, hobby, character trait and decision. All of these combine to form Jen Hillmann. I know who I am, where I have come from, that I have built my life on relationships that will last into eternity. That the components of my life are not chaff and hay that will burn away, but precious stones that will last. No matter where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, the things that are important to me will always remain important to me. I have discovered the reality that is impressed indelibly upon my mind. That wherever I am on the globe, nothing changes. My parents and sister, Heidi, Julee, Megan, John, Trav, Andrew, Stefan, my roots in Colorado Springs, my room, my dog, snowboarding, WHOLE FOODS!, all of these things are part of my life and on my mind and a part of who I am. I do not have to redefine myself in every new context. I get to just let the components of that new context simply contribute to who I already am.
This realization frees me up to live fully where I am, knowing that my friends and family are still my friends and family even if I don’t talk to them for a long time. They are stored safely in my heart and mind. This realization also frees me up to travel anywhere on the globe, meet new people, just live the life God desires me to live. So much of the lectures this week have been about storing your treasures in Heaven. Well Jesus says that “the Kingdom of God does not come with careful observation, so that we can say ‘Here it is,’ or ‘There it is,’ because the kingdom of God is within you.” So I am storing all the treasures of my life in a place that is already within me! This fits into my whole epiphany that people are like ipods :)
It is also amazing to realize that eternity starts today. I realized that those crazy street evangelists that scream at people that if they don’t know Jesus they are going to hell are way off! I say if you don’t know Jesus, you are in hell! Jesus says that ETERNAL LIFE is KNOWING the one true God and Jesus Christ whom He has sent. And we can KNOW God right now!
I love that I get to just live the life that God has shown and is showing me to be the most fulfilling and spill the kingdom into everyone I talk to simply because it lives inside me. How amazing these realizations are!!! It’s cool that I am on a DTS, and about to go to 7 or whatever countries and share the gospel with people who have maybe never heard it before…but I am still me before and after this trip-it’s just a really REALLY cool opportunity! Seeing who I am apart from what I’m doing is quite possibly the most liberating realization ever. The whole world and all of time belong to God, so even if I was a complete idiot, God’s purposes will still be accomplished in the world. If you have the kingdom within you rock on and if you don’t, ask for it b/c it’s freaking the only way to live!! I am also SO EXCITED to see that my two life goals totally come out of this new kingdom of God paradigm: 1) that I would simply increase the amount of God’s Spirit on the earth by giving it a place to reside in me and 2) that after having conversations with people, they will walk away having had a conversation with Jesus.
Lately we have been learning so much about the world! How many completely “unreached” people there are, the heinous evils of underage (and regular) prostitution, unbelievable poverty, drug addiction in Hong Kong, sweat shops, weapons in the wrong hands, religious oppression, the broken lives of many pop stars…yeah I definitely prayed for Eminem for a crazy long time last Thursday, then the Sultan of Oman and people on their Haaj to Mecca the next Tuesday. My vision and perspective of the world as well as how to effectively intercede for it are just exploding.
There are so many things to fight for in the world, I am just excited to see which one(s) God has uniquely prepared me to fight for! Coming here has not been an end in itself. It is simply where God showed me would contribute the most to living life to the full for this period of time. It has been great for many reasons, and I have taken so much out of it, but it really is just a magnifying glass for the rest of my life. Because Jesus is my life. People are my life. Doing what He’s set before me is my life. And I am just excited to LIVE! WHEREVER I am!!
I have also been examining the fact that I believe a literal man, Jesus, who actually walked among us, ate, slept…all the bodily functions…died, then came back to life. I hate to admit I have never quite processed that one completely. Well today that reality became mine. I have always loved Jesus because He was pure, living, active, breathing, speaking, bleeding Truth. That has been the single greatest attraction from me to Him. Well it only makes sense with that impression of Him, that of course even death could not keep its hold on Him. The Truth is the Truth and it will live! I am still figuring out more of course, so stay tuned! But wow does it feel good to know and be grounded in THE TRUTH! It is the life of our souls!
And for anyone who is wondering, we as a base are planning to take over the world and ruthlessly reign as the dominating community from the unsuspecting little country town of Oxford from the land down under by the year 2008. Join us or prepare to be dominated.
Hmmm, as for the real exciting stuff- I got stung by a hornet twice the other day! While pulling weeds on the prayer track! Feel free to concoct and post whatever spiritual warfare jokes you can think of.

That your soul may live

2005-04-16T04:15:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land called Oxford, there lived for three time-stilled months 37 kids from all around the world. They were brought together for this short time from every different background imaginable- all having one need in common: LOVE.
Every different person has something to bring to the table, but one common ability is tested: the ability to love. We all came with our different masks to cover up the painful vacancies reserved for love into this prayer and people-guarded shelter under a divine-ordained umbrella of supernaturally steadfast love. We all arrived with different expectations, anticipations, pre-suppositions and pre-dispositions.
And the last six weeks have been the story of our reaction and adjustment to this foreign fountain of forever-felt necessity. This Bio-dome of love has slowly melted down all our defense mechanisms and hesitations for exposure to allowing the scared toddler that hides deep inside every human to come out of hiding.
You look around at us all after six weeks of continual interaction with each other, and that is exactly what we are! Little kids! Getting us quiet is next to impossible and once we finally are, it only takes one giggle or question to get us all going again. We mindlessly walk around talking to and eating whatever is in sight. What a hopeless mess we all are!...but a beautiful hopeless mess in God's eyes because we are all responding to the love, safety and security we were designed to have in God's perfect original that HE is supposed to provide but from which the whole world is deprived.
It can only come out when the bids of safety have been REPEATEDLY secured and confirmed on all sides because there is a reason it is in hiding. It's been hiding since the first time it was hurt. And like a normal hurt child with no discipline it rambunctiously throws temper tantrums from behind the captain's wheel of our whole bodies- constantly veering us in different directions that our emotions, minds and spirits don't understand but must obey...unless the control line is cut--severed. By the Creator of the defective machine Himself. The emotions, mind and spirit respond readily to the fresh, logical commands of the One who understands. FINALLY they are able to operate as intended- to their full capacity harmoniously and effectively...But as time goes by, one thing is missing: one hated, but vital member of the team: the heart. It has been essentially but sadly severed from the rest of the body for the sake of the machine's salvation, but both the team members and the new Boss know and feel its absence.
Both the team members and the Creator know what must be done. The team members must rest their functioning, step aside and let the Creator reach in to the moss-covered control center and knock on the door. What does He find on the other side but a poor-ragged looking emaciated shadow-of-a-figure toddler peering nervously, distrustfully out from behind the Captain's chair that is far too big for him now. How deathly afraid he is to even flinch in the presence of one of the things that have only beat and bruised him in all his existence: a Living Being. The Creator looks in lovingly, painstakingly cautious with every move He makes so not to scare the scarred little object of His love. He daringly asks if He can reach in, bravely cutting the silence that has deafened the little one's ears after years of atrophy-causing neglect. At first he refused because he knows better...or "do I?" he thinks as he looks once again around the dust-covered cage he's been painfully alone in for hauntingly continuing year after year. He looks back quickly to see if the offering Intruder is still there...a sigh of surprising relief escapes as his anticipation is quelled with the patient remaining of this offering Intruder..."Well, yes-I-I guess so." he more than fearfully replies as he braces himself tightly for the incoming hand that he only expects a beating because that's all he's ever known and instead is quickly, strongly SWEPT into the strongest embrace he has ever felt or known. His heart is thumping-just about out of his chest and his brow is sweating as he smells for the first time the scent he has always known: the whiff of the smell only a Father can carry, as he feels his entire now convulsing body quiver into the firmness of a chest his head was forever meant to lean up against, as he hears he beautiful beat of a heart so steady he barely feels ready for what happens next. Against all his logic, all his experience like an involuntary reflex he makes the decision to line up his vision....he raises his eyes like it was what he was born to do and straight out BURSTS his heart as his heartbeat of hope comes to fruition: Love's big, perfect eyes staring straight back into His, exposing the same longing for union he has felt since his birth. Explosions of heartbeat as these lovesick gazes meet. Approval, Affirmation, Affection showered from the Father's gaze lavished into the maze so long hollowed out by Vital Love's drought. The once scarred child doesn't know what to do as this life-giving Love flows its way through the once-rusty channels of his now filling in frame. Unspoken lies meet their demise as all darkness is quickly cast out by the incoming tsunami of Truth and of light. All the crooked made straight, love conquering all hate. All the wounds healed it's soon revealed that there's more to the story, more pain-conquering glory.
The now transformed child holds Daddy's hand as they return to the infamous chair of command. The child decides instead of to hide, to ask Dad to sit down and to hand Him the crown. The Ecstatic Creator scoops up His beautiful, obedient child and gives him the wheel promising to guide him as He reconnects the powerful ingeniously designed control center to the rest of the body. The emotions, soul and spirit shout out for joy as the full team is again united with the Creator Himself living inside, beautifully coordinating, they all coincide. To true Life comes the most profound machine He ever created. -Powered by the beat of the control center within, the most vulnerable part of us: THE HUMAN HEART. Full and alive.

Wine Gums Anyone?

2005-04-05T03:01:00.000-07:00

Kia Ora! (Maori for pretty much every greeting) I hope all is well for everyone! I want to give a shout-out of congratulations to my sister for recently landing a mega sweet full-time job with a local dentist--GO KRISSY!
Well it's been awhile since I've posted, but with good reason. I am happy to say I have just survived a legendary component of all discipleship training schools called "Faith Week!" And yes it is as scary as it sounds: 7 days with one sack lunch and ten dollars and two friends to make your way around New Zealand. I had the privilege of going with a totally stoked skater boy from Canada named Tyler and a delightfully hilarious university grad from England named Becky. On this trip we met tons of incredible people, experienced both feast and famine, comfortable beds and hard ground, nice cars and hippy vans, walking in the cold rain and sitting in a hot tub above a coastal town. It's safe to say the entire spectrum was ranged this past week! If you want to read of our adventures, they are posted below. But it's pretty long so only read it if you have nothing better to do! But it's pretty funny so you should really check it out.

FAITH WEEK!!!!
We started by riding with a local surfer named Andy down to a beautiful coastal college town called Dunedin. We then found ourselves enduring a two-hour anglican easter service that night before roaming the streets until 1 am when we found our savior for the night: a fabulously flamboyant young law student who didn't mind taking in 3 random travelers and sharing toast, tea, hot cross buns, easter eggs and a non-fiction literary classic entitled "He died with a falafel in his hands" with us.
We then had the pleasure of re-uniting with a kiwi friend John Deniston and I made when we went canyoning on the north island by the name of Janine. She took us on a tour of Dunedin and to the end of a surf competition. We then got to eat dinner at one of the university cafeterias with some wicked cool students. After spending another night at Richard's beautiful bachelor pad, and being sent out with a "hitch-hiking essential:" a NZ candy called wine gums, we made our way up to Frans Josef Glacier by way of a key character of our trip we came to call "Auntie Suzy" with her hot green car and leopard print jersey and her sidekick foreign exchange student from China named Zoe. Dynamic duo does not begin to describe the hilarious chemistry of these two. Suzy also purchased some wine gums for us for our journey. It was this night that we barely managed to sleep in the tv room of one of the hostels in Frans Josef. The next day we had the privilege of taking Zoe to see the glacier. BEAUTIFUL!
After Frans Josef we found ourselves in a little mountain town called Wanaka where we found no place to stay. So we wisely decided to set up camp by a random catholic church on one of the busiest streets in town! Only to be awakened by drunk people in the night and to gawking passers-by in the morning. Becky did not miss the opportunity to make a real scene by stretching obnoxiously for all to see just how red-neck we really were--in case they had any doubt!
It was from Wanaka to Queenstown, aptly nicknamed the "Adventure Capital of the World" that we rode with Carl, the x-mormon missionary who now distributes porn around New Zealand. You can imagine his excitement to hear he had picked up 3 Christian missionaries!!! He did not stop laughing for at least half an hour. He took us to the first bungee-jumping spot ever on the way into Queenstown and everywhere we needed to go!
We found ourselves a bit disheartened in this town as it was money-obsessed and not about to put up 3 backpackers with some crazy faith week story for free. This was probably the maximum point of faith for us as we had NO CLUE what to do and just began walking aimlessly. Little did we know the divine collision we were walking into! We talked to the lovely people at the Salvation Army who hooked us up with a 2-night stay at one of the nicest Bed and Breakfasts in Queenstown run by two pastors! We were thrilled beyond words to have all the food we could imagine and amazingly soft beds and unbelievable views of the mountains, lake and town. Turns out we were a tremendous answer to their prayers as we got to help garden and clean like crazy.
As the week drew to a close we figured our luxury lifestyle was over as well until we got picked up by Clayton on the way back to Dunedin who offered for us to stay with him and have dinner. We ended up having New Zealand's largest barbecue complete with hamburgers, lamb, sausages and steak right before soaking up the lifestyles of the rich and famous in the hot tub overlooking the whole town of Dunedin!
And then the top two highlights were still to come with less than 24 hours of the trip remaining. That night I got to talk to a Fijean dental student by the name of Abnar who was raised Muslim about God and he was way excited about it. Then the next day we were driven to Christchurch by Mark, who basically made us swear we would not say a thing about God or Jesus once he learned we were Christians when we got in the car. He ended up asking to know more about the hard times in my life, and much to my surprise I got to spend one of the four hours it takes to drive the distance sharing my story more powerfully than ever before only to hear him respond by saying that no one had ever shared Christianity as clearly as I just had! AHH!

THE END!!!

So returning from a week spent with no money, no food, no guarantee of shelter and hardly any belongings has completely changed by outlook on life. I looked around our room at the stuff that supposedly belonged to me and felt absolutely no attachment to it And getting in line for dinner that night felt way too easy. Living life without knowing where our next meal was coming from forced us to live only for that day and not worry about the next or anything else we could have worried about. Everything was so spontaneous and has refreshed my inspiration to live every day by faith and in anticipation of what God has up His sleeve. This experience has also dissipated my need to know what I will spend the rest of my life doing! I am also excited about how this experience will help me relate to homeless people in the future!
We also met three different people who were kicked off their farms in Zimbabwe. Hearing about the horrors of what is really going on there and how deep-rooted, complex and inter-connected the issue is has also had a really deep impact on me. I'd love to talk about it with anyone who is curious.
This week we are studying the Father heart of God and it's affecting a lot of us deeply. And our outreach team starts Arabic lessons on Friday! AH! And even in light of seeing so much beautiful New Zealand last week, I actually find myself missing Colorado and everybody I love a ton! Heaps of love!

"Every man dies, but not every man truly lives."

2005-03-17T16:16:00.000-08:00

Am I really here? Every day I look around and have to pinch myself because I seriously live at the intersection of heaven and earth; dreams and reality. Blessed doesn't begin to describe my current circumstance. Spending every day of this precious thing called life with the people here is a privilege far beyond description. And then to think of every day I have spent with all of you...of course my life would not be what it is without you all!
God is so ridiculously in love with and pursuit of all of us. I have spent the last 30 hours just trying to understand the gospel. It's been insane. I have been reading about all the crazy specific laws and guidelines for the Temple in the Old Testament and talked about it with one of the School of Biblical Studies students here, and he actually gave me homework! Even weirder--I did it! I read all Hebrews last night and tried to break down the way Christ fulfilled prophecy and why God set it up that way.
Today the pieces that needed to came together and my world came crashing down. The love God has for us is so magnificent that He seriously chose the hardest thing He could think of to do and orchestrated all of history for the completion of that very thing...to not just let the most precious thing to him die, but to suffer...JUST to demonstrate His love for us--it's insane, living, burning, bleeding, causing our world to spin and our hearts to beat. And THEN He gave us the capacity to respond and participate in this Agape* feast with the same bloody, gory Braveheart intensity love.
One of the main reasons I came on this trip was to see what could happen when Jen Hillmann channeled ALL her efforts towards ONE thing instead of ten. Well, little did I know just what capacity my (and everyone's) heart has for full-fledge living-death 100% breathe, sleep, eat, LIVE commitment! Imagine what a wild creation the human heart is. Rarely is it afforded the opportunity to fully engage, but the itmes it does form the common component of all truly great feats of history. It is the well from which all of life springs and whose overflow literally forms our thoughts and words.
Today's exposure to the way God's heart bleeds for me inevitably evoked an eruption of blood and a passion-propelled pulse to break out of this long-awaiting and anticipating heart. Today I experienced a heart fully engaged. Only because it finally found THE worthy impulse. What is this Life we find ourselves in?!
And as far as the outreach goes...can I get a drumroll please...I am headed to Hong Kong, India, Oman, Dubai, Bahrein, Jordan, then Israel! Yeeha!!! We have already started contending in prayer for the people we're going to and our preparations , and hope to start learning as much as we can of Arabic and Islam!
So besides the normal lecture listening, bathroom cleaning, car washing fun and spending so much treasured time in the written Truth, we got to go climbing and caving last weekend at a world-famous climbing hot spot called Castle Hill and through a 45 minute-hike underground cave called Cave Stream. It was crazy beautiful. And a girl from the other school here and I hitchiked to the beach the next day. We rode with some high school punkrock locals, some wild food fest attendees, an Oxford team cricket player, and a member of New Zealand Parliament!! And we are supposed to go surfing tomorrow. Funny but this is actually the less exciting stuff compared to what I am learning and all the Truth I'm experiencing! But it is pretty SWEET AS to realize I am totally on an island on the underside of the earth hangin in treehouses and hearing accents from all over the world every day!
FUN FACT: New Zealand is the farthest place from Israel in the world...."From the ends of the earth they will praise your Name." Yeah baby! Heaps of love and blessings!

*Agape is the Greek word used to describe the highest form of their four classifications of love, a self-sacrificing love.

A Midsummer Night's Dream

2005-03-07T19:34:00.000-08:00

Hey hey hey once again mates! So I am in LOVE with the body of Christ!! Every day brings some crazy new adventure and opportunity to serve. Over the past week I have seen many georgeous things: waterfalls, rolling hills of green, moonrises from an authentic treehouse down under :), wild sunrises and sunsets, a whole different set of stars--except I can see Orion for some reason, the big and beautiful Pacific ocean from the end of a pier, the town of Christchurch from a large nearby bluff, I've had the privilege of interacting with the wonderfully energetic locals in "the square" in downtown Christchurch. I also witnessed my first ever RUGBY game! AHH! No pads, no forward throwing, no mercy! My favorite part is when the rugby players lift each other up to catch the ball before the other team can get to it. But don't think it's all fun and games! This last weekend I was blessed with the beloved one-time opportunity of WEEKEND WARRIOR: one of a band of four that take on all the duties of the whole base so that everyone else can relax and have fun. So mainly lots of time cleaning and cooking...yeah I definitely can't remember the last time I've helped make home-made cheese,chicken and spinach lisagna and apple-rhubarb pie for 70 people! And done dishes! HA! And I'm definitely on lunch dish duty this week! :) Laissez les temps bon bon roulez!
The social interaction has been just astounding. This is like some crazy combination of youth group, summer camp, a mission trip, peace corp and a really big farm family fully equipped with a cock-a-doodle-doo EVERY morning! Imagine 70 people together ALL THE TIME! We are really beginning to operate more and more like a family. Seeing the love of Christ alive and active in all of us is breathing life into me and circulation to parts of my heart that have long laid dormant. I realize more and more all the time what a rare and immense blessing and opportunity this time is. This morning we just prayer-walked around the town of Oxford and tonight we are playing touch-rugby or soccer with the kids in the community. I also went into the public school yesterday with some of my fellow "disciples" and got to observe and help the gospel being preached to 4th graders--in a PUBLIC school! Weird! On Sunday I got to go hear Brother Yun speak at a church in Christchurch (at least that isn't repetitive). Brother Yun has endured MUCH persecution in the Chinese prison system for his faith. He preached the message of freedom more passionately and desperately than I've heard in a long time. He had amazing stories of being behind maximum security doors with ankles shattered by hammers and just hearing the Lord tell him to get up and walk out...and he did just that-he could walk and the doors just opened before him. After the packed service, he prayed for our group and our missions and financial needs.
The lines between fun, service, personal time and "outreach" are getting more and more blurry by the second. I wore my infamous cowboy hat to the rugby game on Saturday night and some crazy kiwis behind us got a real kick out of it. Surprisingly enough God had bigger plans for that night than I anticipated--I spent the entirety of the game talking to the only foreigner in the group--Robert from Scotland--about what I believe and what real Life to the full is. He challenged me and my ideas in a more intense way than I have been challenged in a long time. It was basically an exam from God. I walked out of that stadium on fire with insane desire to see the lost around me find the Truth and to be able to defend it and know it myself in a more radical way than ever before.
The title of this post is so fitting because fantasy has officially blended into reality for me here in this beautiful enchanting land down under. I have been challenged to leave the world of limitations and familiarity behind and only bring the Truth that I have learned and the people I love into a whole new world of trusting God and letting Him change my perspective of Him and this world around me. We have started outreach preparation where we will begin to attempt to see outside the culture in which we were raised. Jesus is definitely the Truth for every soul to ever be breathed into existence whatever skin color or accent or flavor menu. I have been staying up 'til the wee hours of the morning just reading my Bible and writing and looking at the stars and listening to the "Jen-pody" (my ipod) in the treehouse on the base, and sitting in random barns in the rain :) And I know that I am being pursued and romanced by the Maker of me. I seriously encourage anyone who reads this to just spend a little time with the One who made you and see if you're not surprised at the mysteriously enchanting and soul-satisfying places He wants to take you. He knows you better than you know yourself, and crazy enough--you know him better than you think as well. :)
There is HEAPS more to say but I'll try and keep the chapters to this NOVEL to a readable length! And do continue checking the site because there are pictures coming soon! HA I'm so excited!
If you think of it, just be praying for God's Spirit to continue revealing himelf to all of us and working among our financial situation--there is much money needed by next Monday and there is some serious faith and intercession breaking out around here :) And be praying for the outreach destination decisions being made right now. There are six different options and I will know for sure where I am going next Monday. I can't wait to announce it! I am praying for all of y'all and can't wait to hear from ya. Feel free to post comments or e-mail me at ShredBetti@aol.com.

SWEET AS

2005-03-02T23:53:00.000-08:00

Hey hey hey my beloved North American family and friends! So much adventure so little time. So I am totally writing this first blog post from down under in the land of the Kiwis- the South Island of New Zealand!!
The land is crazy beautiful, the people are unbelievably friendly, the lingo is bursting with flavor "heaps" "sweet as" "trundler" and "chicadee" are a few of the most recent ones I have heard- the food is delightfully delectible and vegan friendly! Besides the bountiful flow of ipods and digital cameras and internet usage, I feel like I am living 100 years ago in this community atmosphere. We all learn together, do work duties--I was blessed with cleaning the main bathroom this first week-HA! what a great intro!, eat together, tour together...everything is TOGETHER! And I live in one room with 14 girls!
I have already managed to rapel down waterfalls, flip off ledges into canyon bowls of water, slid down the rocks backwards, talk to everyone from Scottish to Japanese people, already seen two people come to Christ in downtown Christchurch and talked to many more about God and what He has done in my life. All the people here are quite amazing and I think I am rapidly picking up the accent! I can't wait to write more, this is just a practice to see if this blog madness really works! Cheerio!